Park Slope Bound

As I got ready to relocate to Park Slope, I also tried to prepare myself to be a different kind of roommate.  I realized that part of my problems with Dirty Artie had stemmed from the fact that I let things bother me for a long time without saying anything about them.  Bottled-up, all those little things that bothered me would eventually explode or manifest themselves in ridiculous passive-agressivity (see Towels, or the Time I was Kind of an Asshole for an example).  I hoped that I'd have a better roommate experience if I was just honest and upfront about what bothered me when it bothered me.  Bahhry and Dan, apparently, did not get the memo about how it was time to be grown-ups.

Before I moved in to the apartment, Bahrry sent me a kind of odd e-mail.  The content wasn't too weird, it was just weird that he decided to share these things with me after he and Dan had already offered me the apartment.  It made me feel a little like they were hiding something, but at this point it was already July 16th and I couldn't handle looking for another place.  Nothing they said seemed too extreme, except that Bahhry smoked, but since there was absolutely no evidence of the smell when I went to look at the apartment, his story that it was an occasional thing checked-out.  More on how wrong I was about that later.  Brandon the Bartender had occasionally smoked out the window when we lived together as well, and it was never a problem.  In the spirit of being honest, I was exceedingly clear about how I felt and tried to give very detailed answers the questions:

• do you currently have someone who plans on frequently co-habitating, i.e., bf or gf?  I don't have a boyfriend at the moment.  If I were to acquire one at some point, I'm very respectful about others' space.  Also, I'm lame on "school-nights" so I usually, boyfriend or not, don't have people over during the week.
• i do at times smoke out the window near my desk (though i should stop at $10 pack!)...so as long as u can live with that  As long as the living room doesn't smell like smoke (which it didn't when I was there) I'd be fine with that.  I had a roommate a while ago who did that and it never caused any problems.
• we are usually up fairly late and a tv or music at reasonable levels is common (though obvious consideration will be given, just don't want someone annoyed every night)  I go to bed usually between 10 and 11, but generally read or watch a movie on my computer for a while after turning in.  The room seems fairly isolated in regards to the living room, and I'm a really heavy sleeper, so it shouldn't be a problem.  My past two rooms have shared a wall with the living room and I've only had noise problems with one roommate, who is quite possibly the loudest person alive and also maybe deaf.  I'm sort of used to my early bedtime and the idea that normal people are still awake and moving about.
• the room does not have a "true" window looking out to a view...it is a large casement window into a skylit lightwell  I've come to terms with the window-ish quality. 
• the room does have shared (but closed) doors to the adjacent rooms  Fine by me.  If you really wanted to get in, you could come through the hallway :)
• additional storage in the hall closet directly across from your room is available  Excellent.  I definitely have a suitcase that could find a good home there.
• there is only 1 bathroom...so if u have an earlier morning schedule that is preferred (we usually occupy 7:15-8:15)  That works really well for me too . . . since I've usually already left the house by 7:15.  Right now I get up 6:00, although with the reduced commute it will likely be more like 6:15.  The very, very latest I'll be in the bathroom on a workday is 6:45.  If I'm not working I certainly won't be in there before 8:15 :)

Bahrry wrote back that everything sounded great.  We set up a time for me to drop off the deposit and pick up the keys.  The apartment still looked lovely, although I could have done without the flat-screen TV blocking the view out the fabulous bay window.  I let them know when I would be moving in, and they said they'd be around.  Everything seemed perfect.  Things were finally falling into place.

I recognize that this might be the most boring blog post ever, but I promise you're all in for some crazy stories.  The four months I lived with Bahrry and Dan were quite possibly the most ridiculous four months of my life.  This post is really just the background and set up for everything that happened later.  In Bahrry (whose real name is in fact a middle-aged man's name with a rogue "h" in it) I could not have found a more absurd roommate, or a better caricature of a person to write about.  You are soon in for quite a treat.  Just be patient.

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Original craigslist post (in lieu of pictures, since I never managed to take any):

Hi there!

If you have been eagerly awaiting a move into the Heart of Park Slope this summer then your search is finally over!

We have a Wonderful Medium-size Bedroom in our Graciously Charming & Comfortable 3BR Brownstone equally awaiting your arrival!

Available Immediately!..Showing Today! Saturday 7/12/08!

The Apartment: Large 1200sf floor-thru 4th floor walk-up (which means lots of real sunlight, no annoying drunken trampling from above, & no gym membership req'd)
- 3BR/1BA/Kitchen/Workspace/Hall Storage
- Beautiful original stained wood detailing throughout, large 3-bay windows w/ original wood shutters, fireplace w/ ornate mantel & pocketdoors in livingroom
- great refinished original wood floors throughout
- 10' ht. ceilings
- Fully furnished and appointed with WIFI, Cable TV/DVR/Gamesystems, & Large Plasma w/ Surround Sound perfect for the game or movie nights!
- Full Kitchen w/ plenty of storage, usable counterspace, new gas stove, and even a full stereo system (for your listening pleasure while you cook...and hopefully wash your dishes too!)

Location: Prime Park Slope, located on Union/6th Av. nestled perfectly between all the best in cultural/recreational/entertainment amenities, 2 blocks from Prospect Park,short walk to Museum, Botanical Gardens, Library... the apartment is accessible to both 7th Av. shopping/dining & 5th Av. nightlife...if its beverages you desire? Tea Lounge & Union Hall..what more to say? Food?...Park Slope Food Co-op (for the communist in you) or Union Market (for the uber-capitalist in you)

Trains - close 5min walk to B,Q,M,R,2,3...and 10 min walk to Atlantic for more trains and LIRR

The Room: Nice 12'-6" x 9'-6" room, w/ med size built-in closet w/two drawers below, ceiling fan w/ 3light fixture, full length mirror, added nook in addition to room dimension which comfortably fits a full upright dresser 3'-6" wide x 2'-6" deep,large light well window, room will easily fit a queen bed, nightstands, computer desk, bookshelves...the room comes with a 36" sony tv and xbox which you can keep in there and use or we can relocate it. Additional storage may be available in the hall closet directly across your door as well.

Us: 2 professional straight males in mid 20's-30 in architecture & finance. laid back and easy to get along with, fairly active w. busy schedules though still like to go out & have folks over at the house occasionally so we don't have a problem with folks over occasionally as long as its not an everyday party , we are both respectful and clean...and expect the same.

You: gainfully/legally employed w/ proof of income or verifiable assets (No Credit Check!), male or female of similar age group preferred,clean, responsible, no living pets (Pet Rock & Invisible ones - OK!), no hard drugs,someone who likes to have fun too...so no couch potatoes or total pot heads...we would like someone who is actually up for doing something occasionally rather than just breaking in the couch and breathing our air!...also we do enjoy having music or tv on rather late, though at respectful levels...so if you need dead silence for bed by 9pm, probably not the best idea.